The Best Stepmom Ever

Kathy with her daddy and Bailey Boo <3

No one starts out life saying, 'I can't wait to be divorced, remarried and a stepparent.' Those things aren't life's sought after events. Regardless, statistics show that it's an occurrence more and more of us experience.

How we deal with it is truly a mark of our character. You can become a stepparent and be just plain awful. Make sure your kids get treated differently than your 'steps.' Do everything you can to put a wedge between your own children and THEIR stepparent, so that no positive thing that person does ever gets acknowledged. Ignore your spouse's children. Criticize their every move. Be down right abusive. Sound farfetched? Really? Seen any Lifetime movies lately?

I came into my second marriage determined to abolish the word 'step.' I preferred to look at my husband's children and family as 'bonuses.' Some of them warmed to that and we have great relationships. A few notable standouts refused to acknowledge us in the same way, and like I said, it's a mark of their character, or lack thereof. Their loss, basically. We're a fun trio, Brendan, Claire and I :)

A year after I married Michael, my former husband married Kathy. I honestly didn't know what to expect. I wasn't surprised she was younger than me, or that they had met at work. What I WAS surprised at was the warm, wonderful woman she was.

Kathy truly loved Brendan and Claire just like I did. Every weekend they spent with her allowed them to experience something fun. Claire especially came home on Sunday nights with bags of goodies Kathy had either made for her, or bought, or gifted from her own closet. Claire's first Coach bag came from Kathy, along with gorgeous clothing, jewelry, and make up. All of Claire's prom and dance ensembles have benefitted from Kathy's jewelry making and shopping savvy. She made sure Brendan and Claire had their own bedrooms and their favorite snacks. She cooked huge meals to celebrate their birthdays. They got to go to a beach resort in Michigan several times, and experience fishing and jet skiing. She made a huge financial sacrifice and took B&C to see Paul McCartney! Claire also got to see 'Wicked,' have her hair colored red for the first time, and enjoy pedicures. Brendan got gifts relating to all his interests, and still wears the 'Napoleon Dynamite' and 'My Name Is Earl' pajama pants.

It wasn't just the kids she spoiled. When she got to know me, I got birthday and Christmas presents. She made me beautiful beaded bracelets. She bought me a really cool Tinkerbell mug on a trip to Chicago. She sent home delicious leftovers when the kids visited on holidays. We even got her superb homemade candies from their wedding.

Her love extended beyond the material. She introduced the kids to fun movies. One Christmas they each got their own copy of 'The Goonies.' Their love of reading was encouraged, since Kathy enjoys reading too. She made sure her family welcomed Brendan and Claire and made them feel at home. Claire's first birthday with Kathy was celebrated at the Michigan resort, complete with a big party and 'Happy Birthday Claire!' on the resort's sign.

Lest you think life's circumstances helped Kathy be so generous......that's a negative. Oftentimes those weekends were full of early teenage angst, as both Brendan and Claire were dealing with their own way of handling the divorce and remarriage. Sometimes you can do everything in your power to make things ok, and they still aren't. Kathy was also having health issues that limited her ability to travel and do all the things she desperately wanted to do with the kids. I didn't even get to meet her in person until 2012. She and my ex had been married for almost 6 years by that time. That's ok; I knew by then she was a fabulous person with a huge heart. She inspired almost everyone around her to be a better person.

My constant prayer is that Kathy will get the blessings she so richly deserves. This past weekend, we traveled to her house to get a car my former husband is loaning Brendan as he looks for a new job. She spent the afternoon making jewelry for both Claire and I while we visited and loved on her 4 little doggies. Claire once again left with several bags full of 'Kathy-Love.' It just doesn't matter what circumstances life is throwing at Kathy: she still shares everything she has.

Even writing this blog post doesn't seem enough to showcase a special lady. For all the times she went above and beyond even though she didn't get the props she richly deserved from two fragile 'bonus kids,' for the prayers and sleepless nights she experienced as a result of being a 'bonus' mama; for the years she struggled physically yet made sure everyone around her got taken care of.....I just want to say how much she's appreciated and loved. Kathy, at least in my mind, is the best stepmom ever, and the example everyone should strive for. You never once let any insecurity or personal feelings get in the way of making sure Brendan and Claire were loved.

Kathy is the gold standard for a 'bonus' mom <3